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Prolonged exposure to wrestling can reduce vocabulary to “yes,” “no,” and “what!?”
Steel cage battle royal a bad idea in hindsight
Redneck can’t figure out which all-black tag team to boo
Cody Rhodes released from WWE, but moustache offered lucrative contract
Contract typo leads to Royal Rumble showdown between CM Punk and Don “The Rock” Muraco
Hostess saved from closure by The Rock’s on-air endorsement of Twinkie Tits
Paul Heyman to record cover of The Beatles’ “I Am the Walrus”
Lesnar finally completes phallic chest tattoo with a pair of testicles
Wrestling match somehow won by sunset flip
TNA soon to reduce number of pay-per-views to zero
Depressed Bleacher Report contributor writes suicide note in Top-10 format
WWE vows to reveal Smackdown results several weeks before Smackdown tapings
The Rock hires adolescent dimwit as personal joke writer
Goat getting fed up with being called a “Bryanface”
Ric Flair scheduled for WrestleMania match against his own suit
Cesaro delivers Neutralizer to blue whale
Kurt Angle announces his intention to pole vault in 2044 Olympics
CM Punk finally just gets a life-size tattoo of himself
Jake Roberts whispers cryptic, bone-chilling pizza order
AJ Lee resolves to be sluttier, crazier in 2013
Howard Finkel wishes everyone a “happy NEWWWWW year”
Cena believes fans are chanting “You can dress well”
Triple-H threatens to make The Chaperone 2
Michael Cole replaced by robot that mentions Tout a million times per second