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Newborns looking forward to “Once in a Lifetime” Rock-Cena match
Hornswoggle to star in The Marine 4
Lesnar accidentally chooses bra & panties stipulation
Brock Lesnar unsure what the word “stipulation” means
“Road to WrestleMania” turns out to be New Jersey Turnpike
Zeb Colter admits his real name is Yosemite Sam
Tensai hoping for WrestleMania match against Hornswoggle
New Pope refusing to debut until people correctly pronounce his name as “Berrrrrgoooooglioooo”
WWE fans happy to see the Bella Quadruplets
Halle Berry fires her agent
Randy Orton replaced by life-size cardboard cutout of himself
Fandango now refusing to debut until people correctly pronounce “otorhinolaryngology”
3MB easily overpowered by debuting Three Guy Band (3GB)
All WWE referees treated for attention deficit disorder
God planning enormous rainstorm for WrestleMania to punish WWE for blasphemy
The Rock exhausted from countless title defences at WWE house shows
The Shield issues shaky handheld video demanding justice and video stabilizing software
Undertaker vows to wrestle at all WWE events within walking distance of his house
Disgruntled TNA fans chant “We Want Russo”
Conspiracy theorists allege Giant Machine was actually Andre the Giant
Developmental wrestler developmentally delayed
TNA to hold events in individual fans’ homes
Retirement match surprisingly leads to actual retirement
NASA says Russian meteor was intercepted by Vladimir Koslov headbutt
