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“I’m here to stay,” Rock tells WWE fans before three-month absence
McMahon cries himself to sleep after reading 4,283,938 negative tweets about No Way Out
Sports entertainment event neither sporting nor entertaining
Kane not sure why he’s booked in three-way match either
Team of geishas performs Lord Tensai’s back-shaving ritual
Cobb County still seeking replacement prison guard
Deathmatch wrestler hopes mom doesn’t find barbed wire bat
Duane Gill to portray Ryback spoof “Gillback”
Grown man spends all day making “Cena Sucks” sign
Vince McMahon’s “strut” actually a neurological disorder
Michael Cole reiterates the longest-running weekly plug in television history
Dennis Stamp training for comeback on Sin Cara’s discarded trampoline
Hulkamania finally dies in latest Rent-A-Center commercial
Unemployed, overweight fan criticizes wrestler’s “workrate”
The Rock goes for monthly teeth-whitening, smile-widening
Vince McMahon’s chin dimple is wealthier than you
Great Khali revealed to be normal-sized man riding another’s shoulders
Stargazers excited to watch rare transit of Venis
“Divas just as important as male Superstars,” McMahon somehow says with straight face
Millions tune in to Raw despite Nickelback theme song
TNA offshoot in India entertains millions of tech support workers
Contract signing fails to devolve into brouhaha
Jesse Ventura’s “Conspiracy Theory” re-opens Montreal Screwjob scandal
Brooke Hogan’s advice to TNA Knockouts: “Don’t listen to my advice.”
